I Don't Want No Scrub...

To all my guy friends out there.... this is an important read. I am writing this to HELP you all because I've realized that some people's mothers were apparently too busy watching soap operas to teach these important manners & since all of you are my friends, I want you to do well and succeed and always be spoken of positively. My girlfriends and I have had a number of conversations about this over the years about the guys we encounter and we have even contemplated writing a book because of all the stupidity and retardation. I'm going to start with a blog and just hit on a few high points... hopefully, this will be rather enlightening.

1A) Perception is worth more than a few bucks. A guy who pays for a girl is ALWAYS going to elicit a higher opinion from women than guys who have that "this is the millennium, girls want to be treated as equals, we should split the bill" persona. And no - before you even try to go there - it is not about anyone being a "gold digger" or us trying to get a free meal. It's about plain chivalry and the age-old tradition that the man should care for the woman. Does the man sleep on the arm of the woman? Absolutely not. That is just plain ridiculous for the same reasoning: the MAN should show care for and protect the woman, therefore HIS arm is around HER. So next time you have that "its ok if she pays because this is the year 2005" thought, remember that she is thinking "what a scrub, he doesn't really care, he is just using me, wait till all my friends hear about this." Now... is her AND all her friends thinking less of you worth a few bucks?

1B) What if she insists on splitting? Yes, it is true, the girl could REALLY be indifferent and would REALLY not think any worse of you if you let her split the bill. BUT - how much BETTER would she think of you if you refused and even abhorred the thought of letting her take the bill. I assure you, she would hold you in a much higher regard, and if your name ever came up in conversation with her female friends, you will ALWAYS be placed in a positive-he's-such-a-sweet-guy category. Is that worth the price of coffee or lunch to you? I think it’s priceless.

2) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS walk behind the girl. It might seem like such a small, stupid, irrelevant detail but I will tell you this now. WE DO NOTICE THESE THINGS. WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THESE THINGS. AND YOU DO GET CREDIT FOR THESE THINGS. It is just a well-mannered thing to do. It's easy, and it doesn't cost you a dime (for all those undercover scrubs out there who want to bitch about 1A and 1B). Don't argue. Just do it. Nike.

3) If you are walking next to a girl outside, YOU walk closest to the traffic. This way if someone is going to get run over or hit, it will be you. Not that we want you to die over us, but again, its just shows that the guy is the protector and he cares deeply about our well-being and safety. Some girls may not think about this, so if she looks at you strange for switching sides, just mumble, "oh don't want you to walk too close to the traffic" and change the subject so as not to appear to be fishing for an "awwww".

4) This one should be a no-brainer but I'm going to say it anyway. Open the door for her. Duh. That’s all I have to say.

5) When waiting for an elevator, let her walk in first, let her walk out first. If you are in the front of the elevator and it would make more sense for you to walk out first, I don't care. Stand to the side, hold your arm in front of the door so it doesn't close on her or anyone else, and let all the women out first. If you let the other men out also, you are impeccable. Its the little things guys, the little things.

6) When ordering food from a waitress, always let her order first. If the waitress looks at you for your order first, direct the attention to the woman. You think I'm making all this up, but all of my examples are coming from what other girls have told me about guys they meet that they were incredibly impressed with.

7) Speaking of food and restaurants, please coordinate your eating speed with ours. On average, men can scarf down food faster than women.... so please try to not make us feel like a pig or feel rushed by finishing like 5 minutes after you get your food.

8) Another important note: You may be surprised but we are NOT impressed by men who drive like maniacs. Please refrain from attempting to cause us coronary problems by weaving in and out of traffic at ungodly speeds. It just means you are not confident and you think you have to act all tough to make up for that lack of confidence. We recognize this. It's not cool. We are not in 11th grade. Please stop acting like it.

Ok, that is all I'm going to say for now. I'm sure as I encounter more scrubbish behavior, I'll think of more things to add to this list. Feel free to comment, argue, or agree. But I'm telling you... you do these little things, you will be WELL respected.